Stop Striving and Obey

God speaks. Especially when we take the time to listen. Especially if we understand how to listen.

Today, He told me to write this blog, and He told me to write how He wants me to write, so that He receives the glory instead of I. So, here it goes.

Since my last blog about living life to the fullest with joy and optimism, I've been feeling down in the pits, chasing after elusive joy from doing nothing fulfilling. I've had no motivation to do what I need to do: set up meetings and raise support as a missionary, spend time with people, encourage them and pour life into them, and live boldly as a reflection of Jesus, no matter what situation I'm in. I've just been sitting on the sidelines instead.

I did what we often do as children of God, I started complaining about my lack of joy and motivation. I started complaining about the money I need to raise, so that I can do what God has called me to do. I started complaining about how I don't feel God speaking to me or guiding me. I felt like I needed some time in nature and scripture, so I went outside with my Bible.

God speaks in a lot of ways. The Bible is one of them, IF WE ARE LISTENING. God has taught me to no longer read His word like some religious rule book of stories and guidelines to follow and be right. He has taught me, instead, to approach the Bible like it's His living voice which shows His character. Not always hanging on to the literal words on the page, but asking Him what it means for my relationship with Him, what He is actually, specifically saying to me, Isaiah, today.

As I've been begrudgingly reading through the whole Bible cover to cover, I've had to really, really listen in the old testament. It seems weird, boring, and outdated sometimes. Then He reminds me to shut up and listen. He speaks. Today was no different.

I began reading Numbers 19 and 20, blah blah, red-heifer sacrifice, blah blah unclean dead bodies. (He also spoke about why these things matter to me today, but that's a different story). Then I got to the part where, for the millionth time, the people of Israel are complaining to Moses about being in the wilderness. Oh. That's me, isn't it, God? I've been doing a lot of complaining. (Practice what you preach, Isaiah). Simple enough right? I kept reading, and God kept speaking.

Next, God speaks to Moses and gives him the plan for what to do. The people are thirsty, so God tells Moses to strike this big rock and command water to come out of it in God's name. God gave Moses specific instructions, but Moses was only kinda half obedient to the instructions. Instead, Moses complains to the people about how they're a bunch of rebellious whiners (kinda hypocritical while he's rebelling against a command and also whining) and sarcastically asks if he should pull water from the stone. Moses strikes the stone with his rod, and everybody gets water to drink. Yay! He did it, right?

Nope.

God (I imagine Him just shaking his head and sighing while he rubs His holy eyebrows), then speaks to Moses, and He's like, "No, Moses. That's not what I told you to do, man." (I'm paraphrasing and simplifying this whole story). God tells Moses that, because he disobeyed, he would no longer be the man who leads the people of Israel into the land God had promised them.

A lot of us as Christ followers, would read this and think, dang, that seems kind of harsh. Moses did a bunch of good stuff, led the people out of slavery, did a bunch of miracles by obeying God, and was always fighting for his people by asking for God's help. Now, all of the sudden, God isn't going to give Moses what He promised him? Forgiveness doesn't mean eliminating consequences (again, another story for another time). God keeps speaking.

God tells Moses the water he drew out from the rock is the water of Meribah: a play on words in Hebrew meaning, "to strive". (This is when I kind of felt like God was looking at me the same way He was looking at Moses) I felt like God was raising His voice to me to say, "STOP STRIVING, AND OBEY."

I've been doing a lot of striving with partial obedience.

What it ends up looking like for me, is just how it looked for Moses. I end up cynical, hypocritical, and leaving God's glory out of it.

Striving comes from our own strength. It's for our own recognition. It gives us the glory.

Obedience relies on the Lord's strength. It comes from humility. It's sacrificial. It gives God the glory.

As Christ followers, I think we often get the two confused. We often think striving is the way we accomplish good works as the fruit of our faith. It comes from the purist intention: we want to be more like Christ and help others. The thing is, striving doesn't require the Lord. It's not His way. We try to dress striving up and disguise it as obedience.

Obedience comes from love and humility. Striving brings legalism (which gives sin its power 1 Corinthians 15:56). We strive to follow the commands from scripture. Then we fall short because, striving on our own, we always will. Then we get all caught up on how we fell short. We feel bad, so we look at how everyone else is falling short. Pretty soon, the good fruits that we had in our purist intentions of striving are replaced with gossip, bitterness, and complaining. And we try to fix it with more striving until God shouts at us, "STOP STRIVING, AND OBEY."

If Moses, one of the highest regarded holy men in history, couldn't get to the promised land by his own power and striving, why do we think that we can?

Why do I think that I can?

"Christian" means a little Christ. We are supposed to be like the One we follow. I think we often get caught up in one small part of that like Moses did. He wanted to rebuke, teach, correct, and guide God's people. Moses preformed a miracle to help them, but he did it his way, the "look at me" way. But, how did Jesus do things? He would perform a miracle, then sneak away to be alone and praise God.

Think about that. On one hand, we have Moses, being disobedient and flawed like us, felt a little "holier than thou" and gave himself a little glory. On the other hand, we have Jesus, THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ACTUALLY PERFECT, HOLY, AND DESERVING OF GLORY, would avoid it to go be with God, He who is the glory. And better still, Jesus was obedient. He was obedient with every detail because all He wanted was God's will. He literally obeyed God to death. (Philippians 2:5-8)

God will still use our striving. Water still came out of that rock for Moses. But, God can do a whole lot more with our obedience. He brought His kingdom to earth through His son for us all to inherit (in this life, not just after we die Matt 16:19-28). Jesus obeyed, and I want to be like Him.

It's time for me to stop striving, and obey.

In the spirit of obedience, there is something I must say.

I hate asking people for money. Even though I know the amazing things God uses that money for. I hate it because I've been striving. I've been striving to put myself out there, talk about how I've changed, and all I've done, and show people why I'm worthy of their support. The truth is, I'm not. I never will be.

But God is worthy. His kingdom is worthy. His work in people's lives and hearts is worthy of your support. God has called me to live my life in obedience to serve Him, His kingdom, and His work in people's lives and hearts. Right now, God is asking me to be obedient in asking you, as my readers, to partner with Him in sending me to go be obedient to where He is guiding me. I hope God has used my journey and writing to impact you. I hope you'll partner with me in the prayer and financial support I need to remain obedient to my part in what God is doing.

It's not for me, it's not about me, it's not about what I'm doing. It's for God, it's all about His kingdom and glory.