Life and Death

When we follow Jesus, life doesn't become easier, life becomes love.

It's been a crazy summer.

In June, I returned home from 11 months of traveling to 11 different countries. I visited family and friends. I traveled around the United States to catch up with people and share God's story from the trip.

In July, I continued to travel around the United States. I visited more friends. I reunited with a lot of the people who traveled with me.

In August, I realized the rapid velocity of the approach of my next departure from the United States. I was a bit overwhelmed. I questioned if it was wise. I talked to a lot of people. I prayed a lot. I even wrestled with God a bit. He obviously won, thankfully, as He always does. But in His victory, we are also victorious!

It's been a very crazy summer. Amidst all the craziness, God dropped something most unexpected in my lap. I was asked to come down to Gainesville, Georgia for ten days to help train a group of people who would be going on the same 11 month, 11 country mission trip that I went on, the World Race.

"Are you serious God?" It didn't make much logical or logistical sense to cut my time left in America by 1/3rd when I needed to welcome my sister and brother-in-law's son into the world meet with more people, raise support for my departure on August 30th, and prepare for another 9 months abroad. (He was serious, by the way)

But the Lord reminded me of what He had been teaching me lately. I want to give away what God has given to me. I thought back to my own training for the World Race. It was one of the most transforming experiences of my life, and it was just 10 days. (Link if you want to read about it: https://zaycarter.theworldrace.org/post/im-not-the-same-man-i-was-10-days-ago)

11 more months of growth and transformation has taught me, It's always better to just say "Yes," to God. So I said yes to go train World Racers, and yes to still leaving for G42 in Spain and India on August 30th.

After only two days of training, It was so obvious why God brought me here. After 4 days, I felt like I had already transformed as much as I did in 10 days over a year ago at my own training. God is always doing a new thing. His character is always the same, but the way He does things is always new.

It has been such an amazing opportunity to teach, lead, encourage, and push my peers. I expected to come here and do these things, and I have. I did not expect, however, how much these things would happen to me. The thing is, if our eyes are fixed on God, we see that He is always transforming us. This perspective has changed everything for me. As I saw Him bring freedom, healing, forgiveness, joy, and restoration to the men and women I trained, I began to see what God wanted to do in my own heart.

I have learned to truly forgive myself for who I used to be. God already did this before time began, but He just showed me how to do it last week. I stepped into a place of total honesty and freedom that I had been afraid of for so long. It led to apologies, forgiveness, vulnerability, and growth. It strengthened friendships, brought peace and joy, and it has allowed me to understand God's grace in a way I could never comprehend before.

Everything was amazing!

Then I got a call. My grandma had been rushed to the hospital with some scary symptoms. There was even another reason God brought me here. I was about 2 hours away instead of 9, if I had been home. I drove down to see her, and she had woken up and become responsive. I prayed with her, laughed with her, and comforted her. She seemed to be doing well, and I dozed off at about 4 am.

I was shaken awake by my parents, who had just arrived 30 minutes before. I jumped up in a panic to crying, shouting, and a huge team of doctors and nurses trying to revive my Grammy. It was jarring and painful. All I could do was try to comfort the rest of my family. She moved on to Heaven, to sing in the perfect choir and look upon God's eternal glory. His peace and hope truly heals my pain.

The next day, I received another call, another family friend, another loss. In just 2 days, so much had happened, so much had changed. I felt confused, hurt, and even a little angry. Then, I remembered what I had just truly realized a few days before: God's character never changes.

He is still good, He is still loving, He is still full of unending grace, He still heals, He still restores, He still has what's best for us. He can handle our questions, He can handle our pain, He can handle our anger, He can even handle our yelling and wrestling. And His only response is truth, love, comfort, healing, goodness, and grace. He gives us His peace which surpasses all our understanding. As our fists beat against His chest, He pulls us into His arms, lets our tears fall, and says, "I love you. I always loved you. I will always love you."

I know God a lot better than I used to. I will know Him later, a lot better than I know Him now. But one thing I will never forget is this: He is working out all things for our good and His glory, even if we can't see or imagine the good, (Romans 8:28) and He loved us before time began, He loves us now even as we suffer, hurt, and question Him, and He will love us for all eternity, no matter what. (Romans 8:38-39)

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

His truth fills me with peace, and carries me onward. I pray you allow God to do that for you, too.